Finding Your Way Home

Your silence has a language
I just learned it late
You close the door so carefully
Like hope can still escape

I’ve been defending ruins
Calling it surviving us
Funny how the strongest hands
Forget they’re made to touch

Tell me—
If hope is still breathing
Why does it sound
So much like us?

Come rest your weight on me
You don’t have to carry
Every storm you’ve named
If your heart forgets the rhythm
Mine will count us back again
I don’t need the world to change
I just need you

We’ve been talking through closed windows
Wondering why we’re cold
Funny how two hearts can shiver
Standing this close

I know the look before the silence
I know the weight behind your eyes

So if your hope runs out before mine
You can borrow mine

We’ve been measuring the distance
While standing hand in hand
Funny what the fear convinces
Before love understands

We’re not broken
We’re just bending
There’s a difference
Stay with me

Come rest your weight on me
You don’t have to carry
Every storm you’ve named
If your heart forgets the rhythm
Mine will count us back again
We don’t need the world to change
We just need each other

Every house will shake a little
When the wind forgets your name
That was never our undoing
We were learning how to stay

If the fear comes back tomorrow
Let it find us hand in hand
Funny what the dark believes
When love just learns to stand

Come rest your weight on me
You don’t have to carry
Every storm you’ve named
If your heart forgets the rhythm
Mine will count us back again
We don’t need the world to change

Come rest your weight on me
You don’t have to carry
Every storm you’ve named
If your heart forgets the rhythm
Mine will count us back again
When the fear comes back tomorrow
Rest your weight on me.

– Dedicated to my Wife

I filled my pockets with anchors
Just to see if I would sink
Turns out rock bottom’s different
Than everybody thinks

I spent years looking over bridges
Wondering how deep they’d go
Not because I wanted out
I just needed to know

Everybody loves survival
After someone else survives
Nobody sees the thousand wars
You fight to stay alive

Heavy things float
They still couldn’t keep me down
I mistook the weight for drowning
It was teaching me somehow

Heavy things float
That’s the part nobody knew
I was waiting for the bottom
Turns out I was floating too
Turns out
I was floating too

I carried every failure
Like they all belonged to me
Every name they ever called me
Started sounding true to me

I filled my pockets with anchors
Just to see what they could do
Turns out all that weight I carried
Couldn’t sink the truth

I kept waiting for the bottom
It kept letting go of me

Heavy things float
They still couldn’t keep me down
I mistook the weight for drowning
It was teaching me somehow

Heavy things float
That’s the part nobody knew
I was waiting for the bottom
Turns out I was floating too
I was floating too

I thought rock bottom
Was supposed to feel like dying

Turns out it felt
Like nothing at all

Smiling at the people
Who swore that I was fine

I don’t remember getting stronger
I just remember buying time

Maybe I wasn’t sinking
I was learning what to drop

Not everything that’s heavy
Was ever mine to hold

Turns out

Heavy things float
I finally figured out why
I mistook the weight for drowning
It was changing me inside

Heavy things float
That’s the part nobody knew
I was waiting for the bottom
Turns out I was floating too.

I’ve carried it long enough

Like burned maps, I still point home
I don’t wanna lose my way again
Every road looks good at night
Until the morning shows the bends

There’s a shape I can’t outrun
Moving somewhere underneath my skin
Am I becoming someone else?
Or just becoming him?

And the harder that I pull away
The more I feel it pulling back

So I keep calling your name out
But the silence never makes a sound
Would you pull me from the river now?
Or watch me drift beyond the lights?

I’ve been drinking to erase lines
Trying to separate yours from mine
If you saw me from wherever you are
Would you know me then?
Would you know me then?

Like snapped strings, I still ring
I still carry every note you left
A worn-out song can split the dark
And put a weight back in my chest

There’s a shadow in the rearview glass
Some nights I swear it looks like you
The years keep changing everything
Except the things they should

And every time I think I’ve healed
Something opens up again

So I keep calling your name out
But the silence never makes a sound
Would you pull me from the river now?
Or watch me drift beyond the lights?

I’ve been drinking to erase lines
Trying to separate yours from mine
If you saw me from wherever you are
Would you know me then?
Would you know me then?
Would you know me then?

I still leave room when I tell the story
Like you’re running late
Like you’ll walk through the door
And laugh at the parts I got wrong

And every year I understand
A little more of what you carried
Maybe grief is just a compass
Spinning circles in your chest

Pointing toward things
You can never get back
And I hate how it still finds you
No matter where you go

Now I keep calling your name out
Like broken teeth against my tongue
And every road I take alone
Still somehow leads to where you’re not

I’ve been learning how to live with it
Or at least learning how to hide it well
If the dead keep any part of us
Take mine too
I’ve carried it long enough..

I kept the old me in a box
Under everything I blamed
Swore I’d open it tomorrow…
Tomorrow never came.

I thought healing meant arriving
Like a door would open wide
But it came in quiet pieces
I kept finding still alive

I was looking for a place
That never asked me where I’d been
Somewhere I could lay the wreckage down
And finally breathe again

But home was never waiting
At the end of some unknown
It was every part I buried…
Still calling me its own.

I was not too far gone
I was not too far to hold
I was just a stranger to myself
Finding my way home
Finding my way home!

I got so good at being needed
I forgot who needed me
Every piece I gave away
Left a little less of me

I wore purpose like a promise
Never questioned what it cost
Everybody had a version…
Mine was slowly getting lost!

I was the one!
I’d been looking for!

I was looking for a place
That never asked me where I’d been
Somewhere I could lay the wreckage down
And finally breathe again

But home was never waiting
At the end of some unknown
It was every part I buried…
Still calling me its own.

I was not too far gone
I was not too far to hold
I was just a stranger to myself
Finding my way home

I spent years trying to find me
In the people that I’d love
They kept holding on to pieces…
I was slowly giving up.

I kept waiting on a feeling
Like a switch I’d never known
Turns out every step I hated…
Was another step toward home!

I was looking for a place
That never asked me where I’d been
Somewhere I could lay the wreckage down
And finally breathe again

But home was never waiting
At the end of some unknown
It was breathing in the quiet
I had tried to leave alone

I was not too far gone
I was not too far to hold
I was every broken version
Still becoming something whole

I don’t need to run now!

I was finding my way home…

I kept the old me in a box
Under everything I blamed
Opened it with shaking hands…
And finally spoke his name.

They learned our names from echoes
Never heard us speak
Funny how the loudest silence
Sounds enough to keep

They’ve only known our weather
Never stayed for spring
Even a broken window
Still reflects everything

Glass can catch a moment
It can’t hold a life
Still, it gets mistaken
For the whole damn sky

Love looks different through a window
Than it ever does inside
Funny how the glass gets blamed
For every crooked line

Windows don’t tell stories
They just frame the view
People mistake the picture
For the whole damn truth

Everybody watched us falling
Nobody stayed to watch us stand
Funny how a single moment
Outlives years they’ll never have

Crazy what the eye remembers
When it never knew the heart
Some things only look broken
When you never knew the start

Glass can catch a moment
It can’t hold a life
Still, it gets mistaken
For the whole damn sky

Love looks different through a window
Than it ever does inside
Funny how the glass gets blamed
For every crooked line

Windows don’t tell stories
They just frame the view
People mistake the picture
For the whole damn truth
For the whole damn truth

Funny how a perfect stranger
Knows exactly who to blame
Funny how the loudest verdicts
Never learned a single name

You held the picture like a gospel
Never questioned what was true
It’s amazing what you’ll bury
Just to keep the view

You loved the story more than us
‘Cause it never asked for proof

Love looks different through a window
Than it ever does inside
Funny how the glass gets blamed
For every crooked line

Windows don’t tell stories
They just frame the view
People mistake the picture
For the whole damn truth

Love looks different through a window
Than it ever does inside
Funny how the glass gets blamed
For every crooked line

Windows don’t tell stories
People always do
Funny how they loved the picture
More than what was true

I kept a matchbook in my chest
For nights I couldn’t speak
Burned every word I buried
Just to prove there’s smoke in me

I wasn’t trying to disappear
I was trying to be found
But everybody loves a fire
Once it’s already burned down

The sky can hold a warning
Long before it turns to rain
Some cries don’t sound like crying
Till they finally have a name

I sent smoke signals
From a house nobody knew
Watched them twist into the weather
Like they had somewhere to move

I was waving through the ashes
Trying hard to make it clear
Sometimes people don’t go silent
They’ve been screaming for years

Screaming for years!

I learned to laugh in crowded rooms
And call it staying strong
Built a lighthouse out of habits
Just to guide myself along

I left my heart on every porch
Hoping someone saw the glow
Turns out lonely isn’t empty
It’s a place nobody knows

The sky can hold a warning
Long before it turns to rain
Some cries don’t sound like crying
Till they finally have a name

I sent smoke signals
From a house nobody knew
Watched them twist into the weather
Like they had somewhere to move

I was waving through the ashes
Trying hard to make it clear
Sometimes people don’t go silent
They’ve been screaming for years

Screaming for years!

I’ve been screaming for years!

I thought being seen
Would feel a little more like saving
Turns out some people watch the smoke
And never ask what’s burning

I spent years lighting fires
In places no one came
Maybe I was never lost
Maybe nobody knew my name

And if the whole sky had to darken
Just to show you where I’d been
Then maybe smoke was never weakness
Maybe it was evidence

I sent smoke signals
From a heart nobody knew
Watched them rise above the wreckage
Like they still had work to do

I was waving through the ashes
But I finally disappeared
Not because I stopped calling
Because I learned to hear

Smoke Signals

I kept a matchbook in my chest
For nights I couldn’t speak
Some fires aren’t for burning down
They’re just begging to be seen

Smoke Signals

The coffee never asked me
If I slept at all last night
It just kept getting colder
Like it knew I’d lost the fight

The porch light finally gave up
The sky took over slow
Some things never tell you
It’s time to let them go

Grief can hold your heartbeat
It can’t hold back the day
Time has never wondered
If you’re ready anyway

Every night thinks it owns you
Till it starts to lose its name
Every ghost beside the ceiling
Runs out of things to say

You don’t have to call it healing
To know you’re not the same
The light didn’t come to save you
Morning comes anyway

Some mornings found me breathing
Long before I felt awake
The hardest part of living
Was the first step that I’d take

The strongest thing I ever did
Never looked like winning fights
It was answering the morning
After losing sleep all night

Grief can hold your heartbeat
It can’t hold back the day
Time has never wondered
If you’re ready anyway

Every night thinks it owns you
Till it starts to lose its name
Every ghost beside the ceiling
Runs out of things to say

You don’t have to call it healing
To know you’re not the same
The light didn’t come to save you
Morning comes anyway

The night never tried to break me
It only showed the cracks
Where the light had always waited
To find its way back

Maybe strength was never louder
Than the days I just got through
Maybe all those quiet mornings
Were rebuilding something new
We’re building something new!

Every night thinks it owns you
Till it starts to lose its name
Every ghost beside the ceiling
Runs out of things to say

You don’t have to call it healing
To know you’re not the same
The light didn’t come to save you
Morning comes anyway

You throw paper airplanes
Like the sky is in your hands
Never asking where they land
Just believing that they can

Somehow every ordinary room
Feels wider when you’re there
Like you’ve never learned the difference
Between impossible and air

You don’t know you’re changing me
That’s never been your plan
You just keep believing
Until I start to again

You throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere in your small hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

You still believe they’ll fly
You still believe they’ll fly

You stop to watch the fireflies
Like they’re putting on a show
I forgot the dark could hold
Anything that beautiful

You don’t know the weight of yesterday
I hope you never do

But if life teaches you to carry it

I’ll carry some with you

You throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere in your small hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

You still believe they’ll fly
You still believe they’ll fly!

If the sky feels smaller

Or the colors fade to gray

We’ll fold another paper airplane

And throw it anyway!

You throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere in your small hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

You still believe they’ll fly

We’ll throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere between our hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

Now I believe they’ll fly.

– Dedicated to my Daughter.

You throw paper airplanes
Like the sky is in your hands
Never asking where they land
Just believing that they can

Somehow every ordinary room
Feels wider when you’re there
Like you’ve never learned the difference
Between impossible and air

You don’t know you’re changing me
That’s never been your plan
You just keep believing
Until I start to again

You throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere in your small hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

You still believe they’ll fly
You still believe they’ll fly

You stop to watch the fireflies
Like they’re putting on a show
I forgot the dark could hold
Anything that beautiful

You don’t know the weight of yesterday
I hope you never do

But if life teaches you to carry it

I’ll carry some with you

You throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere in your small hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

You still believe they’ll fly
You still believe they’ll fly!

If the sky feels smaller

Or the colors fade to gray

We’ll fold another paper airplane

And throw it anyway

You throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere in your small hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

You still believe they’ll fly

We’ll throw paper airplanes
Like they never learned to fall
Like every empty ceiling
Isn’t really one at all

Somewhere between our hands
The whole world comes alive

Maybe that’s the difference

Now I believe they’ll fly.

– Dedicated to my Daughter

I filled my pockets with anchors
Just to see if I would sink
Turns out rock bottom’s different
Than everybody thinks

I spent years looking over bridges
Wondering how deep they’d go
Not because I wanted out
I just needed to know

Everybody loves survival
After someone else survives
Nobody sees the thousand wars
You fight to stay alive

Heavy things float
They still couldn’t keep me down
I mistook the weight for drowning
It was teaching me somehow

Heavy things float
That’s the part nobody knew
I was waiting for the bottom
Turns out I was floating too

I carried every failure
Like they all belonged to me
Every name they ever called me
Started sounding true to me

I filled my pockets with anchors
Just to see what they could do
Turns out all that weight I carried
Couldn’t sink the truth

I kept waiting for the bottom
It kept letting go of me

Heavy things float
They still couldn’t keep me down
I mistook the weight for drowning
It was teaching me somehow

Heavy things float
That’s the part nobody knew
I was waiting for the bottom
Turns out I was floating too

I thought rock bottom
Was supposed to feel like dying

Turns out it felt
Like nothing at all

Smiling at the people
Who swore that I was fine

I don’t remember getting stronger
I just remember buying time

Maybe I wasn’t sinking
I was learning what to drop

Not everything that’s heavy
Was ever mine to hold

Turns out

Heavy things float
I finally figured out why
I mistook the weight for drowning
It was changing me inside

Heavy things float
That’s the part nobody knew
I was waiting for the bottom
Turns out I was floating too

Heavy things float