Matthew Ryan Brooksher
Ugly Reasons
“Pretty breaks. Ugly holds. Ten songs about staying.”
Out now — stream everywhere
Ugly Reasons started with a simple discovery: the reasons that actually get people through their worst nights are almost never the pretty ones. Nobody white-knuckles through 3 AM on "it gets better." They make it on spite, stubbornness, a dog leash, a text they finally answered. The ugly reasons - the ones that fight back.
These ten songs live in those nights. Some of them are about staying alive. Some are about staying married. It took finishing the record to realize those are the same skill: showing up, one more night, again and again, until the nights quietly add up to something that looks a lot like forever.
It ends on the only promise I've ever fully trusted - See you tomorrow.
Tracklist
-
[Verse 1]
I took the bridge on Miller Road
The long way into town
Got halfway across before I caught
That I forgot to look down
I used to measure water
Like the depth was owed to me
Now the river’s just a river
Rolling out from underneath[Pre-Chorus]
And I waited on the old weight
To come and claim its ground
I know its knock by heart
It didn’t come around![Chorus]
There’s a lighter in my pocket
Where the anchors used to be
I used to burn to be seen
Now I burn to see
I’m not healed – I’m just lighter
Most days, that’s enough
It still rains – I just stopped
Carrying the flood[Verse 2]
Found my matchbook in a winter coat
Still two matches left
I used to keep it loaded
Like a flare gun in my chest
I struck one in the driveway
Watched it burn out slow
Nobody needed saving
Nobody needed to know![Chorus]
There’s a lighter in my pocket
Where the anchors used to be
I used to burn to be seen
Now I burn to see
I’m not healed – I’m just lighter
Most days, that’s enough
It still rains
I just stopped
(I just stopped)[Bridge]
Still heavy some mornings
I won’t dress it up
The boy who bagged the anchors
Still wakes me up
But he’s not here to sink us
That was never why he came
He just wants to see the mornings
He didn’t think we’d make![Final Chorus]
There’s a lighter in my pocket
Where the anchors used to be
I used to burn to be seen
Now I burn to see
I’m not healed – I’m just lighter
And I’m done asking why
And the heavy things still float
They just float on by..
They just float on by![Outro]
Took the bridge on Miller Road
Windows down, music loud
There’s a lighter in my pocket
And it’s just a lighter now
I’m just lighter now!
I’m just lighter…. Now. -
[Verse 1]
I got past-tensed at a party
Standing three feet from the guy
Heard the “he had so much promise”
Like I’d already said goodbye
So I smiled and refilled his drink
And made a little vow
If I was ever gonna go
It sure as hell ain’t now[Pre-Chorus]
Love’s a beautiful reason
And someday I’ll get there too
But tonight the thing that saves me
Is a petty “screw you!”[Chorus]
I’m alive out of spite
And I’ve never felt so right
They were planning my conclusion
So I’m staying up all night
Call it petty, call it stubborn
Call the whole thing impolite
Whatever keeps the heart still drumming
I’m alive out of spite[Verse 2]
My doctor calls it progress
My mother calls it grace
My friends don’t call it anything
They just keep setting me a place
But me, I keep a list of names
Of every “told you so”
And the top name on that list
Is one that nobody knows[Pre-Chorus 2]
Love’s a beautiful reason
And I’m closer than I’ve been
But tonight the thing that saves me
Is refusing to let it win[Chorus]
I’m alive out of spite
And I’ve never felt so right
They were planning my conclusion
So I’m staying up all night
Call it petty, call it stubborn
Call the whole thing impolite
Whatever keeps the heart still drumming
I’m alive out of spite
Alive out of spite!![Bridge]
‘Cause the loudest voice that wants me gone
Has never had a face
It’s lived inside my head so long
It thinks it owns the place
It tells me every morning
That I shouldn’t see the night
So every single sunrise
Is me winning out of spite..[Breakdown]
And if you’re white-knuckling a reason
That wouldn’t fit a greeting card
Hold it anyway. Hold it hard!
An ugly reason’s still a reason
A stubborn breath still counts as breathing
Nobody grades you on the why..
Stay petty! Stay furious!
Stay!!![Final Chorus]
I’m alive out of spite
And I’ve never felt so right
They were planning my conclusion
So I outlived their foresight
Call it petty, call it stubborn
Call the whole thing impolite
Spite just got me to the morning
And the mornings did me right!
I’m alive out of spite.
And I’ve never felt so right. -
[Verse 1]
The dark rolls in at midnight
It always shows up starved
It ate up all my someday
It ate my lucky stars
It swallowed every sunset
I was saving on the shelf
But it chokes on grit and ugly
So that’s what I keep for myself[Pre-Chorus]
When the dark leans in and asks me
What the hell I’m staying for[Chorus]
I don’t need a pretty reason
I need one that fights
Give me ugly, Give me stubborn.
Give me one more night
‘Cause pretty breaks like windows
And ugly holds like scars
I’m alive on ugly reasons
And ugly’s got me this far[Verse 2]
A grudge works like a tourniquet
It’s ugly but it holds
And spite can keep a body warm
When all the fires go cold
There’s no statues for the stubborn
No candles and no shrine
But some nights I held a dog leash
Like the other end was mine[Chorus]
I don’t need a pretty reason
I need one that fights
Give me ugly, Give me stubborn.
Give me one more night
‘Cause pretty breaks like windows
And ugly holds like scars
I’m alive on ugly reasons
And ugly’s got me this far[Bridge]
If the dark shows up at your place
And eats up all that gleams
Don’t you reach for what looks holy
Reach for what won’t leave[Break]
One more night.
Then we’ll talk about forever.[Final Chorus]
I don’t need a pretty reason
I need one that fights
Give me ugly, Give me stubborn.
Give me one more night
‘Cause pretty breaks like windows
And ugly holds like scars
I’m alive on ugly reasons
And ugly’s got me this far
(This far!)
And ugly’s got me this far![Outro]
I don’t need a pretty reason…. -
[Verse 1]
Up before the alarm rings
Been up since half past three
I practice sounding easy
Till easy sounds like me
I ace the how-you-doings
I never miss a cue
You don’t check for a pulse
On a man this good as new[Chorus]
I’m high-functioning
Look how well I drown
Straight face, steady hands
Fifty feet down
Everybody loves the show
Nobody hears a sound
‘Cause I’m high-functioning
Look how well I drown[Verse 2]
I trained you not to worry
A masterclass in “fine”
Ten years of “never better”
And I sold it every line
I pick up on the first ring
Come rain or come shine
I’m everyone’s emergency contact
And no one’s ever been mine[Pre-Chorus]
Go ahead, ask how I’m doing
Watch how fast I lie[Chorus]
I’m high-functioning
Look how well I drown
Straight face, steady hands
Fifty feet down
Everybody loves the show
Nobody hears a sound
‘Cause I’m high-functioning
Look how well I drown[Bridge]
The day I leave you on read
The day I’m “fine” but late
Don’t wait around for sirens
I don’t break loud. I fade.[Break]
If I ever go quiet… get loud.[Chorus]
I’m high-functioning
Look how well I drown
Straight face, steady hands
Fifty feet down
Everybody loves the show
Nobody hears a sound
‘Cause I’m high-functioning
Look how well I drown[Final Chorus]
I’m high-functioning
Look how well I drown
Straight face, steady hands
Fifty feet down
Everybody loves the show
So nobody looks down
‘Cause I’m high-functioning…
Look how well I drown. -
[Verse 1]
You’re staring at that wall again
Tape measure in your hand
You’ve circled it in pencil
Like a battle you’ve got planned
And I get it – all that sunlight
Trapped on the other side
You could have it by the weekend
If this wall would die[Pre-Chorus]
So before you swing, there’s one thing
You need to know[Chorus]
Swing if you need to, honey
Take the hammer to my chest
‘Cause that wall is where the roof
Puts its weight down when it rests
Hate it – hate is easy
Hate it good and loud
But careful what you’re swinging at…
It’s load-bearing now[Verse 2]
There’s a path worn in the floor
From going the long way ’round
Twenty years of tiptoeing
Like the wall’s awake somehow
And the man we paid to look at it
Just whistled through his teeth
Said, “I can tell you what it costs
Can’t tell you what it keeps”[Chorus]
Swing if you need to, honey
Take the hammer to my chest
‘Cause that wall is where the roof
Puts its weight down when it rests
Hate it – hate is easy
Hate it good and loud
But careful what you’re swinging at…
It’s load-bearing now[Bridge]
Some night when I’m not home, love
Walk up to the one you hate
Lay your palm against the crack
And wait[Break]
It’s warm.[Final Chorus]
So swing if you have to, honey
Take the hammer to my chest
I hope you get your light
I hope it’s worth the rest
But bring somebody strong
Somebody who knows how
To catch a roof when it comes down…
It’s load-bearing now[Outro]
You set the hammer down tonight
Like every night so far
And the wall lets out a breath…
Still standing. So we are. -
[Verse 1]
The question’s still in the bedroom
Where you left it on the floor
I keep stepping wide around it
Like I’ve never seen it before
You asked it almost gentle
Like you’d asked about the rain
Just a handful of words in passing
And they’re still inside my veins[Pre-Chorus]
You wanted a real answer
Well, here’s the one I’ve got[Chorus]
You asked what we’ve got in common
Besides the wars we’ve been through
And I didn’t have an answer
So here’s what I know is true
If this was only trauma
Only scars from the same fight
Then scar tissue doesn’t bleed, love
And I’ve been bleeding all night
I’ve been bleeding all night![Verse 2]
Yeah, we met inside bad weather
Every year has had its share
But nobody picks the climate
They just pick who’s standing there
And trauma never learned your laugh
It doesn’t know our songs
It wasn’t in the quiet mornings
So something else belongs[Chorus]
You asked what we’ve got in common
Besides the wars we’ve been through
And I didn’t have an answer
So here’s what I know is true
If this was only trauma
Only scars from the same fight
Then scar tissue doesn’t bleed, love
And I’ve been bleeding all night
I’ve been bleeding all night![Bridge]
You chose my hardest night in years
To ask me what we are
And if you need your answer
Go look at the scar![Break]
Ask me again. Gently.[Final Chorus]
You asked what we’ve got in common
Besides the wars we’ve been through
Ask me again some morning
When the asking’s not a wound
‘Cause if this was only trauma
We’d have nothing left to lose
But scar tissue doesn’t bleed, love
And I bled all night for you -
[Verse 1]
I know that dark you’re in, kid
I know it by its first name
It had me by the throat once
Before you ever came
You thought that you could hide it
Thought nobody could tell
You can’t – I did my time there
I know those streets too well[Pre-Chorus]
I’m not asking where you’ve been
I’m only asking this[Chorus]
So say “see you tomorrow”
Say it like it’s small
Like it doesn’t cost you nothing
Like it doesn’t mean it all
I won’t ask you for forever
That’s more than anyone can swear
Just tell me “see you tomorrow”
And mean it – and be there[Verse 2]
Your seat’s still at the table
Your name’s still on the door
There’s a hundred dumb tomorrows
Still worth showing up for
And if tomorrow looks like nothing
If you can’t find one that’s true
Borrow one of mine – I’m serious
I keep a spare for you[Chorus]
So say “see you tomorrow”
Say it like it’s small
Like it doesn’t cost you nothing
Like it doesn’t mean it all
I won’t ask you for forever
That’s more than anyone can swear
Just tell me “see you tomorrow”
And mean it – and be there[Bridge]
Look, I know I wasn’t perfect
And I know you know it too
I got loud when you needed quiet
Got quiet when you needed proof
I was raised by harder winters
Than the ones I hope I made
And some of your worst weather
Rolled in off my waves..
You think I’m the one who saved you?
Son, you’ve got it in reverse
Half the nights I made it through
You were the reason first
So no, I never got it perfect
But I never left the room
And every “see you tomorrow”
I ever said came true[Break]
See you tomorrow.[Final Chorus]
So say “see you tomorrow”
Say it like it’s small
Like it doesn’t cost you nothing
Like it doesn’t mean it all
And I’ll say it back, I promise
As long as I’m alive
We’ll build forever out of
One tomorrow at a time[Ending]
See you tomorrow. -
[Verse 1]
You’re staring at that wall again
Tape measure in your hand
You’ve circled it in pencil
Like a battle you’ve got planned
And I get it – all that sunlight
Trapped on the other side
You could have it by the weekend
If this wall would die[Pre-Chorus]
So before you swing, there’s one thing
You need to know[Chorus]
Swing if you need to, honey
Take the hammer to my chest
‘Cause that wall is where the roof
Puts its weight down when it rests
Hate it – hate is easy
Hate it good and loud
But careful what you’re swinging at…
It’s load-bearing now[Verse 2]
There’s a path worn in the floor
From going the long way ’round
Twenty years of tiptoeing
Like the wall’s awake somehow
And the man we paid to look at it
Just whistled through his teeth
Said, “I can tell you what it costs
Can’t tell you what it keeps”[Chorus]
Swing if you need to, honey
Take the hammer to my chest
‘Cause that wall is where the roof
Puts its weight down when it rests
Hate it – hate is easy
Hate it good and loud
But careful what you’re swinging at…
It’s load-bearing now[Bridge]
Some night when I’m not home, love
Walk up to the one you hate
Lay your palm against the crack
And wait[Break]
It’s warm.[Final Chorus]
So swing if you have to, honey
Take the hammer to my chest
I hope you get your light
I hope it’s worth the rest
But bring somebody strong
Somebody who knows how
To catch a roof when it comes down…
It’s load-bearing now[Outro]
You set the hammer down tonight
Like every night so far
And the wall lets out a breath…
Still standing. So we are. -
[Verse 1]
The question’s still in the bedroom
Where you left it on the floor
I keep stepping wide around it
Like I’ve never seen it before
You asked it almost gentle
Like you’d asked about the rain
Just a handful of words in passing
And they’re still inside my veins[Pre-Chorus]
You wanted a real answer
Well, here’s the one I’ve got[Chorus]
You asked what we’ve got in common
Besides the wars we’ve been through
And I didn’t have an answer
So here’s what I know is true
If this was only trauma
Only scars from the same fight
Then scar tissue doesn’t bleed, love
And I’ve been bleeding all night
I’ve been bleeding all night![Verse 2]
Yeah, we met inside bad weather
Every year has had its share
But nobody picks the climate
They just pick who’s standing there
And trauma never learned your laugh
It doesn’t know our songs
It wasn’t in the quiet mornings
So something else belongs[Chorus]
You asked what we’ve got in common
Besides the wars we’ve been through
And I didn’t have an answer
So here’s what I know is true
If this was only trauma
Only scars from the same fight
Then scar tissue doesn’t bleed, love
And I’ve been bleeding all night
I’ve been bleeding all night![Bridge]
You chose my hardest night in years
To ask me what we are
And if you need your answer
Go look at the scar![Break]
Ask me again. Gently.[Final Chorus]
You asked what we’ve got in common
Besides the wars we’ve been through
Ask me again some morning
When the asking’s not a wound
‘Cause if this was only trauma
We’d have nothing left to lose
But scar tissue doesn’t bleed, love
And I bled all night for you. -
[Verse 1]
I know that dark you’re in, kid
I know it by its first name
It had me by the throat once
Before you ever came
You thought that you could hide it
Thought nobody could tell
You can’t – I did my time there
I know those streets too well[Pre-Chorus]
I’m not asking where you’ve been
I’m only asking this[Chorus]
So say “see you tomorrow”
Say it like it’s small
Like it doesn’t cost you nothing
Like it doesn’t mean it all
I won’t ask you for forever
That’s more than anyone can swear
Just tell me “see you tomorrow”
And mean it – and be there[Verse 2]
Your seat’s still at the table
Your name’s still on the door
There’s a hundred dumb tomorrows
Still worth showing up for
And if tomorrow looks like nothing
If you can’t find one that’s true
Borrow one of mine – I’m serious
I keep a spare for you[Chorus]
So say “see you tomorrow”
Say it like it’s small
Like it doesn’t cost you nothing
Like it doesn’t mean it all
I won’t ask you for forever
That’s more than anyone can swear
Just tell me “see you tomorrow”
And mean it – and be there[Bridge]
Look, I know I wasn’t perfect
And I know you know it too
I got loud when you needed quiet
Got quiet when you needed proof
I was raised by harder winters
Than the ones I hope I made
And some of your worst weather
Rolled in off my waves..
You think I’m the one who saved you?
Son, you’ve got it in reverse
Half the nights I made it through
You were the reason first
So no, I never got it perfect
But I never left the room
And every “see you tomorrow”
I ever said came true[Break]
See you tomorrow.[Final Chorus]
So say “see you tomorrow”
Say it like it’s small
Like it doesn’t cost you nothing
Like it doesn’t mean it all
And I’ll say it back, I promise
As long as I’m alive
We’ll build forever out of
One tomorrow at a time[Ending]
See you tomorrow.
